Jul
31

Episode 45 – Prime Minister Van Damme

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[Wil and Charlie unravel the mysteries of the internet.] Wil: Say you want to look up a picture of John Stamos. Like- in, like, two seconds it will be there on your computer. Now, I can see your computer. Where is the picture of John Stamos right now? Charlie: Floating in the big electrical cloud. Wil: So is it near your computer? Is that how it gets there so quick? Charlie: Ah, no… Wil: What if it’s all over the other side of the world? Charlie: No, it’s like a lightning bolt. So, there’s this big electrical cloud floating about …

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Jul
31

Episode 53 – Kim Jong Wil

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Charlie: So, you’ve developed technology that could end the threat of nuclear war forever … so even though you have that, you also decide to create as many nuclear weapons as you can to hold the world to ransom. Wil: Exactly. Charlie: That doesn’t make any sense! Wil: Why? Charlie: Because you could use the peaceful strategy by saying “hey, this can end the threat of nuclear war” and then take the next step from there, rather than the threat of violence. Wil: Well, how do I make any money out of that?

Jul
31

Episode 1 – Super-piss

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Wil: We’ve decided that we’ve got to walk to an intersection or something and get a cab, and we’re pretty drunk, and by drunk I mean high. Charlie: And by high… Wil: Anyway we’re walking through the desert and we’ve had this massive day so we’re like “oh my God. We’re in the middle of the desert. Maybe we should just sleep under a palm tree and wake up in the morning and take it from there” Charlie: Sleep under a palm tree like a Warner Brothers cartoon? Like guys in the desert. You saw a mirage did you? Did …

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Jul
31

Episode 37 – We’ve Achieved Nothing

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On a teenage party where Wil’s friend scalped himself Charlie: I’d be vomiting in the corner, or crying, or just making sure that my head was still intact because I’m that self-absorbed. Wil: I don’t have great memories of what happened next. Charlie: So you didn’t go to the hospital with him or anything? Wil: Dear God no. I think I was trying to come up with an alibi that I was not at that party and had nothing to do with it. Charlie: Running home with the top of his scalp stuck to the bottom of your shoe.

Jul
31

Episode 37 – We’ve Achieved Nothing

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Tom: Well I fucking love Christmas, I think it’s amazing, but I’m not religious at all. Uhh, I love chocolate and that’s great. Charlie: Is this your centrefold bio? ‘I like chocolate, I love Christmas…’ Wil: ‘Long walks on the beach, Christmas, ponies…’ Tom: ‘People rising from the dead.’ That’s just my needs. Charlie: My turn ons. Wil: ‘Dinners with 12 of my closest friends. 1 untrustworthy one if possible’

Jul
31

Episode 15 – Behind the Music. Men.

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What if your superpower was that, by eating books, you could absorb all the information those books contained? Wil: If you had to cook the books first, would that be considered book burning? Or would it be fine? Or would you have to eat them raw, I suppose, to get all the words? Charlie: Yeah, you’d have to eat them raw, otherwise– like a vegetable, the more you cook it, you burn up the vitamins. So you’d want to eat it raw. Wil: So you couldn’t like, for example, burn the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica down into ash and then snort …

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